Diet & Avoidant Restricted Food Intake Disorder
ARFID, or Avoidant Restricted Food Intake Disorder is a relatively recent eating disorder diagnosis introduced in just 2013.
Personally I can’t help but feel it would have helped me a great deal had the term existed far earlier, as my childhood and teen years were often filled with the cries of “stop being so fussy!” as people dismissed my eating disorder as a choice, a mere preference.
It wasn’t until my early teens that I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, with compulsions, amongst other things, surrounding food.
And it wouldn’t be until my early thirties that I received a diagnosis for ARFID.
In fact, ARFID was a large contributing factor into why I was expelled from school.
When I was seemingly deemed a ‘lost cause’ and shipped off to boarding school, one primary struggle I faced was that I couldn’t eat any of the food.
I would go days and days at a time without so much as a crumb to eat, the starvation lashing at me each and every day, making it a near impossibility to so much as think, let alone function day to day.
Certainly this is not ideal for anyone, however perhaps least of all a growing pre-teen boy.
I’d eventually learned that the year 12’s had a desire for a pharmaceutical drug known as “dexamphetamine” or “dexies” for short.
Dexamphetamine is, as the name suggests, an amphetamine prescribed to individuals with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD/ADHD), a few of which we had in my dorm, and the Year 12’s used it to remain awake and focused for their studies.
So….I’d identified on one hand, a Supply, and on the other, a Demand.
If I could act as a bridge between the two, I could scrape some profits off the sales…and have access to food!
So, the ADD students would ‘cheek’ their meds, and outside the medical bay pass them to me.
I would build a supply each day from numerous students, and then take the pills to the year 12’s, where I’d sell them at a markup.
I’d pay off the ADD students for the meds they gave me, and keep a portion of the money for myself.
Just enough to buy a single hotdog each day, now my only source of nourishment.
But nourishment all the same.
What with many of the students requiring medication now going totally unmedicated, and another cohort of the school now hopped up on amphetamines, chaos spread through the halls.
Amongst the flying fists and pubescent screams, I sat alone, quietly eating, savoring my only meal of the day.
Eventually, when it was discovered that I was the destabilizing force causing chaos within the school, I was swiftly expelled for ‘Dealing Drugs on School Premises’.
I didn’t quite understand the implications of what I’d been doing at the time, I was just trying desperately not to starve, and as I was being admonished that was all I could say, my sole and honest defense….
“I just needed something to eat”
and shouted in my face came the familiar reply
“We give you plenty of food, you’re just spoiled and rotten, being fussy isn’t an excuse!“
Even later in life, when I was a homeless 12 year old orphan, I couldn’t eat the food occasionally handed out by the food-vans or well meaning Hare Krishna, which only served to increase the suffering of my enduring starvation.
I mention these things because I hope they serve to demonstrate the seriousness of ARFID as an eating disorder, and that it is far more impactful on an individuals life than merely “being fussy”.
To that end, with my weight out of control and my depression tearing apart the very fabric of my being, it was tantamount that I do what I could to alter my diet, to reduce the fattening garbage I was eating and introduce greater nutrients into my body.
I began by introducing small portions into a bolognese, where it was easy to hide.
Dicing a meager teaspoon of capsicum into miniscule, barely visible shreds.
Once I was able to digest that meal, the next I would increase the portion size, this time, two teaspoons hidden in the bolognese, then three.
Then I would increase how finely I’d diced the capsicum, only marginally larger shreds, however enough to consider it progress.
Little by little, meal by meal, I introduced greater portions into my diet, until I no longer gagged through every meal at the mere thought of it’s invisible presence on my fork.
I did it first with red capsicum, then green capsicum, then carrot, then spinach….it took months, but eventually I could make a meal consisting of all of the above ingredients, in regular sizes and portions.
“Like a real person” I thought.
The addition of these ingredients alone has opened up many a new recipe which I can incorporate into my regime, with greater nutrient and fiber intake.
Though I’m still struggling to incorporate new ingredients into my cooking, I’ve found that I am able to branch out a great deal more now, and try a variety of foods without having to dissect each portion to identify each and every possible contaminant.
Having these foods in my diet has allowed me greater energy, my body a greater range of tools to balance neurochemicals, and has definitely contributed to a much healthier micro-biome, something which I am utterly convinced has a deeply profound impact on one’s general and importantly, psychological wellbeing.
Once again, it may not seem like much….but it is progress.